Two Words

A while back I had fight with what was a dear friend of mine.

I'm from Texas and recognized myself in my pastor's statement that Southern folks get away with gossip by adding "Bless his heart" on the end of things. My pastor is from Tennessee, so he ought to know. When I realized what I was doing and the damage that was being done, I stopped. My friend didn't see it as such and is unwilling to stop 'blessing people's hearts' into the ground.

I have tried multiple times in multiple ways to help my friend understand. That even if they weren't wrong to begin with, I was and that they didn't call me on it was wrong in and of itself. I've said I was sorry making my gossip so believable and therefore breaking their trust in me. But there is no dialogue. No communication. Just random e-mails about the deaths of people we both know. I even keep my friend on my daughter's e-mail list, just to keep them up-to-date on arguably the cutest kid ever. But there's nothing that makes me feel heard or understood.

This has damaged relationships with mutual friends. I don't get e-mail pictures of some very cute kids because sides have been taken, stands made and lines drawn in the sand.

All of this makes me sad because it's all so avoidable. Fixable even. Case in point...

I recently had a fight with another dear friend of mine. It started as a simple misunderstanding and exploded. Words were said. More were thought. Feelings hurts. Motives assumed. It was bad.

After a day or two, I had a conversation with this friend. Motives were explained. Feelings were soothed. And my friend says to me, "I'm sorry." And it was not the "I'm sorry...I got caught" or the "I'm sorry...it turned out this way." It was a heart felt "I'm sorry...I was wrong". It was as if a huge burden was lifted and I could breath again. There was a powerful positive force behind those words. And then to top it all off, my friend says to me, "I'm so sorry I dishonored you like that." I almost floated on air.

To say the least, our relationship is restored and improved by our misunderstanding and the resulting conversation. I am very happy.

The longer any fight goes on the more it takes to restore relationship. The longer any trust is stretched the longer it take to reestablish. The more people involved on any side, the more people have to be brought to the table. Heaven forbid there is money involved...

But it all starts with two little words...I'm sorry.

Restoring Shalom

There is a lot of pressure put on the Holidays in America. If one watches TV or listens to the radio, it seems that this is the season for family and friends both near and far. And no matter the distance in miles or the distance in attitude, this is the season for closeness.

I get fairly disgusted with the whole idea. Like singing and dancing snowmen can warm a curmudgeon's heart. That one taste of Aunt Mable's pie will so flood one with good feelings from the past that all wrongs are forgotten and fresh starts are handed out all around. Bah Humbug.

But today I was thinking of Advent. Of shalom. How way back in the garden shalom was broken with one bite of fruit. How God stopped walking in the garden in the cool of the evening. At the first Advent, God again walked in the garden.

We look back at Jesus coming to live the life that we couldn't and dying the death that we deserve and we see that shalom can be restored. That it is being restored. We look forward, knowing that he is coming again in the clouds to finish the job. That there will be a new Heaven and a new Earth and we, who have been given to Jesus as His bride, will have new bodies.

So, yes, there is a lot of pressure on the Holidays. This is the Season to come together. To restore relationships. To let bygones be bygones. To give fresh starts. To remember, not so much that shalom was broken but more so that God is restoring it. One heart at a time. One card at a time. One bite at a time.

Living Life Backwards

I've been reading a book by Robert Littlejohn called "Wisdom and Eloquence". In it he talks about teaching kids with the end in mind. What do we want our kids to be able to do when they graduate high school? What do we teach them their senior year? Their Junior year? And so on down to Kindergarten. As we plan to home school Ashley, this seems like a very good plan.

But I was thinking today...what if I lived my life with the end in sight? As a Christian, my eternal life is secure in my faith in Christ's atoning work. But what about the end of this life?

If I don't want to be buried in a piano crate, I need to keep my weight in check. OK that was a bit of an exaggeration but still. How do I want to be remembered? I'm remembered as the singing cashier at the book store. Or the town crier--for my closing announcements.

And bringing those two ideas together...How do I want Ashley to remember me? What do I want her to learn simply by watching me? Exercise is a daily enjoyable task. Housework is a way of life. That whatever our hands find to do, we do with all our might. That eating healthy is as much fun or even more than eating junk. That cooking is not a chore. That reading is great fun. That nature walks are an everyday thing...rain or shine.

A similar idea is touted in lots of home decorating books...Don't start with the stuff, start with the vision. How do you want your home to feel? to you? to your family? to guests?

I'm going to have to think on these things a bit more.

I've lived a lot of my life for today. Eating what tasted good, even if I feel bloated later. Resting in when a brisk walk would have energized me more. Reading and watching for entertainment alone without even trying to glean nuggets of lasting truth.

There is a balance between living for today and living for the end. Maybe that's what I want to be remembered as...a Balanced Person...

Subscriptions

At this time of year we are all looking for gift ideas for ourselves and for others. I would like to share some of my favorite things.

First of all is Tabletalk Magazine. This monthly magazine "exists to help explain important Biblical doctrines and events while encouraging people toward Holy living. Each issue features articles from well-known and respected scholars, regular columns, and insightful daily Bible studies.

An interesting twist on magazine and NPR is Mars Hill Audio. This is great for commuters. It comes on CD or cassette. This publication "is committed to assisting Christians who desire to move from thoughtless consumption of contemporary culture to a vantage point of thoughtful engagement."

The third is Wondertime Magazine. This magazine "dedicated to helping parents nurture their children's love of learning". I thoroughly enjoy this magazine. The layout, the articles, the colors even the paper.

Any of these three would make a great gift for a friend or for yourself.

Tis the season...
Have fun!!

more TV truths

So, I'm watching House Season 3. The character House is a jerk. I mean really a jerk. One day I even questioned why we watch someone who is such a jerk. Why subject ourselves to fictional jerks when real life is full of them.

I know why.

Because they make our lives seem better. No one has a friend as bad as House. No one has parents as bad as George Costanza. No one has a co-worker as bad as Dwight Shrute. No one has a family as bad as Micheal Bluth. That's why. And if those employees, sons and co-workers can make it, we can too.

It's all about Hope.

If Napolean can be that goofy and dance like that...there's hope for us. If Toula can have a family like that and marry a guy like that...there's hope for us. We might be a bit of a neat freak but Monk shows us that if he can do it...there's hope for us.

I like that. I like coming out on the good end of the stick. And I like Hope. I like feeling that I can ride the wave of life and end up on a beach somewhere.

sugar substitute

Kisses have always been sugar free but most everything else causes a rise in blood sugar. That is one of the big problems in our diets today, at least in America.

Now there seems to be a natural alternative: Agave Nectar. It's enough like honey for your tea and oatmeal in the morning. I haven't tried to cook with it yet but I am looking forward to trying it out.

Good luck with your food choices. Remember the closer to nature you eat the better.

Joyous Season

It's been dry here in the Pacific Northwest for the last couple of days. It's also been warmer that I expected.

Fall came early and then sslloowweedd way down. The colors have been great. Of course, the colors prelude the falling of the leaves.

Ashley and I walk to the bus 4 days a week and walk to the swans on Wednesday. Walking during this season is so much fun.

My advice to you is this...watch for falling leaves and shuffle your feet through them. The rustle of sound and color is just what the doctor ordered.

...sigh of contentment...

another clue

We define ourselves in many ways...
I am Eric's wife.
I am Ashley's mom.
I am Jill's employee.
I am a member of John's congregation and our congregation belongs to the PCA.

But that is not all.
I sing.
I was born in Texas.
I live in the Seattle area.
I scrap book.

Well, last night I identified something else that I am...
I am a red head.

These last couple of weeks I have noticed a change in my face. Not bad really but not good either. Different somehow. Last night Eric colored my hair. And when I took off the towel, I was back.

I may not have been born a red head and even now, if nature had it's way, I wouldn't be one. But Eric and L'Oreal override nature in this instance. And...

I am a red head.

TV Truths

Do you ever have "Whoa, Dude" moments? You know when you are just living life and POW out of the blue "Whoa, Dude!"

I am watching the first season of Monk on DVD. What a crack up! So scitchy, yet so right. Frustratingly, right. Well, in one episode he really wants to see this runner. He is standing on the sidelines waiting, waiting, waiting. He notices a missed button...on someone else's sweater and, of course, HAS to fix it. While he is fixing this poor guy's button, Monk misses his guy. The guy he has stood for how long to see passes him by.

Whoa, Dude! How often does this happen to me? To you? So busy fixing something that doesn't matter at all and POW life passes us by. Mine is not buttons. Mine is Spider Solitare. I play till I win while the bed doesn't get made and the dishes don't get done. I play till Ashley stops asking me to "Come see!"

Play till I have no time to blog.

PUSH

Why is it so hard for some of us to push ourselves?

As I look back I am amazed at some of the things I did in the past when I had someone to push me. I played JV basketball in high school, (it was a small school everyone made the team) I could not count the number of push ups I did, and I had never run that much before, (nor will I in the future). That coach pushed me hard and although I wasn't as good as the others, I did more than I ever thought possible.

Then there was the choir director in college. He would hand us new music and have us sight-read it a capella. This was the same man that in my voice lessons handed me Mozart and said I was going to lean it, (most of my previous experience had been Broadway songs). I ended up singing the solo part not only with our choir, but with three other church choirs all together in a large community event.

I say all this not to brag about things many years ago, instead I want to know why don't I push myself? Why do I think of things and not do them, or only half do them? What could I accomplish if I had a coach next to me every day? (Well, maybe not everyday:) )

In the same way, how can I be that coach for my daughter? To push her to go out of her comfort zone and try new things and reach higher without causing her to feel the need for perfection to please me?

I know some people have good friends that hold them accountable, I would be interested to see that work, the one time I tried it was with a friend that struggles as much as me so we didn't last very long (sorry Steph).

Let me know what works for you, and if I try anything that helps I'll let you know, too.

Mom of Little Ones Tip #124

Two words:

Baking Soda!

Just fyi, baking soda can take the stink out of just about anything. At least until you can get somewhere to clean it up properly.

Both my kids were easy vomiters when they were babies. (Stephanie can attest to that...) My husband and I used to keep a container of baking soda in the diaper bag, one in the bedroom, and another one in the car (with an extra shirt for mom/dad).

Baking soda saved many a car trip. There isn't much we can do while they're crying in the car, but at least baking soda makes the mess manageable until we get the baby cleaned up and settled (and ready for the next challenge!!).

Hope this helps!

Now, if it were just so easy to get the stink out of some of our attitudes...!

What's in a Name?

So, my name is Stephanie now. I mean, I was born with that name. Don't know where my folks came up with it. And most people call me that. Ashley does, too. She has called me by many names in these last few months. Mostly a Disney Princess...Snow White, Mulan or Sleeping Beauty. She's usually Ariel, Cinderella or even Tinkerbell. But lately no matter who she is, I have been Stephanie. Eric is still Daddy most of the time. Maybe it's because we spend so much time together. Maybe she just likes saying the word. Or maybe she likes the way I giggle every time she says it. I'm sure I'll go back to being Mama soon. Or maybe one of the Backyardigans. I was Tasha at one time. Ashely was Uniqua. It's all one huge pretend game. I love it. I never know from one moment to the next what is going on!!

We are in so far over our heads. And having a blast!!!

Two Little Words

I am reading a mystery about an Episcopal priest. It is a series. The one I am reading is A Fountain Filled with Blood. The gal used to be a helicopter pilot and is now a priest. The titles are all old hymns. It's just a little fun mind candy.

In this particular book, she crashes a helicopter with the chief of police and an injured man with her. She is hanging up side down and prays..."I can't do this by myself." They lived through the crash, got the injured man down the mountain and of course solved the murder. But listen to what she said..."I can't do this by myself".

What if she had said like I so often do..."I can't do this."

This little statement says so much. I'm not going to try. No matter who I tell this to (and for me this is often a prayer) they are not big enough to help me. Anything you say to yourself or out loud has an effect on you. Period. The Bible states in Matt 12: 34...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks...

What would happen in my life (and yours?) if I admitted I couldn't do this...by myself? What if even a cry for help had the element of hope in it? I wouldn't be asking to be rescued but asking for help. I would be taking responsibility not throwing in on someone else. What if God was big enough to help me grow? Help me mature? What if He hasn't stepped in because my...what does that scripture say...? Oh, I found it in James 4:3...When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives...What if my wrong motive is escape instead of growth?

This is heavy stuff. I hope I remember this image and not go away from the mirror and forget...
Huh...by myself...not by myself...but through Christ...I can do all things through Christ who strengths me...Huh...not alone...never leave me or forsake me...laundry, three-year-old, dishes, dinner...all things through Christ who never leaves me...marriage, job, bus rides...Huh...this is good stuff...

Have You Flossed Today?

I've always thought that having quiet times with God are a bit like flossing.

It's easy to skip doing it, thinking that it's not an immediate need. But then when you do floss, all sorts of junk comes out that was missed with regular brushing. You end up with a much cleaner, fresher mouth, and the knowledge that you've done something good for yourself.

It's easy to skip having a quiet time with God, thinking that it's not an immediate need. But when we do, all sorts of junk comes out that we missed. We end up with a cleaner, fresher heart and attitude, that lasts throughout the day and affects others beneficially. And yes, you've done something good for yourself!

Happy flossing,

JHB

A Change in the Weather

What a difference a day or two can make.

It's amazing how different I feel today compared to earlier this week. Monday night I was outside sweating to death and today I came home, put on my sweats, and cuddled up under a blanket on the couch.

I must say I felt a little out of sorts both yesterday and today, I think the change in the weather affects my allergies, or creates sinus pressure or something. I had been out of allergy meds for a few days and it's taking a couple days to get back to normal.

In general, I welcome the change. I like a little variety. So many other things stay the same every day...dishes...cooking dinner...laundry...not that these things are the bane of my existence, but they can be a little dull.

So some sun or rain or fog or snow? Well, it keeps changing.

Weighty Matters

Once again I am confused by the latest DVD I made of Ashley. (We have a video camera and when we finish a tape I make a DVD for easy viewing.) I saw myself or at least someone who sounded like me and who answered to my name. But she didn't look anything like what I picture myself looking like. And what's bad is that this happens every time I see one of Ashley's DVD's.

Actually the Bible speaks to this...

James 1:23-25 (New International Version)

23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

(Is Bible.com cool or what?!?!)

Anyway, back to the video. While I'm not sure who was in the video, I am sure it was not the real me. So I am going to go searching for the real me. I know where not to look. She's not under the covers after Eric leaves for work. She's not under the last bite of whatever yummy thing is stacked high on my plate. She's not in line at Starbucks. She may be behind the dusty stroller. She may be in one of my Yoga DVD cases. I'm hoping to find her in the mirror very soon.

Wish me luck!!

Gadgets

We've all seen them. If you've ever been to a mall you seen them. The store with all the shiny kitchen gadgets. Something for every possible need for every possible occasion. And most of us have been tempted. I just gave away two 'egg-rounders'. You know, for making your eggs fit English muffins PERFECTLY. They were a bugger to clean and the English muffin thing was just a phase. So they are out of here!

But the one gadget that I use at least every other day is our apple corer. Gosh, what a good investment. (In fact the one we have now is all metal 'cause Washington apples and Texas hands broke a plastic one.)

I think it started with Kevin Trudeau's 30 steps to lose 30 pounds in 30 days. Breath deep, walk 20 minutes, eat three apples everyday. That's a lot of apples. You really want an easy way to make those 30 steps happen. That's why I kept the grapefruit spoons that Eric's Nana gave us. (Grapefruit is on the list, too.) And while grapefruit hasn't been on the grocery list in a while. Apples are on there every week. Ashley has them for a bus snack, Eric takes them to work.

Apple corer...a gagdet worth having.

PREACH.....what I practice

DOMINOES PIzzA......there you go, that was dinner. Hubby wanted to celebrate (you don't have to cook dinner dear), daughter was all for it, and I knew I'd pay for it. That's why I feel like I have bricks in my stomach this morning.

So there you have it, those of you that know me will agree that I know better, but do I put it into practice? Here's the truth :(

Concious...er...Brushing

We all strive to live a deliberate life. On and off. Now and then. We don't want life to just happen to us. We want to make life happen. We don't want to go from one HAVE TO to the next. We want there to be some WANT TO mixed in. We want to LIVE our life not just float through it. At least that sounds real good. But, really, with a husband, a house, kids, a church and friends, who has the time to think much less live?

Well, I found a very conscious two minutes, once or twice a day!! Sonicare!! No, really, hear me out. Before, brushing my teeth was something to do while I read one last page before bed. Or something to do in the shower while my hair got wet. But now. No way! I concentrate. I feel the bristles. That beep goes off and I move that brush to the next quadrant. For two whole minutes, I am in the moment. Everyday!! Sometimes twice. Now if I could just get this much fulfillment out of doing dishes.

Stephanie, a.k.a. Mulan (see a pattern yet?)

Hey, Y'all!

I've taken one more step into the digital age and have become a blogger. And I've dragged two of my friends with me.

I am very excited about this because I so enjoyed making a newsletter...before. Now if I have a great idea or read a great book or see a great movie I can tell everyone RIGHT NOW instead of waiting like I used to or, more lately, not telling anyone.

So, if you've missed the newsy bits, here they are again with the added bonus of two more sets of insights, health alerts and Faith builders. Yeah for us all!

Stephanie a.k.a. Ariel (more on that later)