Questioning Communication

When you ask your overnight guest "Do you need another blanket?" What are you really asking?

When Eric or I are sick, one of us sleeps on the sofa. When the caregiver asks the sicko "Do you need another blanket?" what we are really asking is, "Are you cold?" and "Do you remember where we keep the extra blankets?"

That's what you mean when you ask your overnight guest that question. And the guest understands the question. They know how warm they like to sleep. They then judge the heat in the room and the thickness of the covers and determine "Yes, I will be cold" or "No, I'll be fine".

But what if you ask a three year old "Do you need another blanket?" Will they understand the subtext? Ashley owns lots of blankets, am I planning a shopping trip? Does she need another one? Like maybe a purple one? That question does not mean to her what it means to me.

I wonder how many times we are misunderstood because we are in essence speaking two different languages? Some things are more simple--"Would you like more juice?" could mean "Are you thirsty?" or "Would you prefer water or something else from the 'fridge as I am getting up anyway?" Some things are much harder--"How are you?" Are you asking about my health, my family, my day or my job? How much time do you have? Do you really care or is this just a standard greeting?

All of this hit me last night between 2 and 2:30am. Ashley is stuffed up. We stayed at some friends' house later than her bedtime so she is also very tired. It seemed cold in her room to me so I changed my tactics...

"Are you cold?" "Yes." So, I got her another blanket.