Two Words

A while back I had fight with what was a dear friend of mine.

I'm from Texas and recognized myself in my pastor's statement that Southern folks get away with gossip by adding "Bless his heart" on the end of things. My pastor is from Tennessee, so he ought to know. When I realized what I was doing and the damage that was being done, I stopped. My friend didn't see it as such and is unwilling to stop 'blessing people's hearts' into the ground.

I have tried multiple times in multiple ways to help my friend understand. That even if they weren't wrong to begin with, I was and that they didn't call me on it was wrong in and of itself. I've said I was sorry making my gossip so believable and therefore breaking their trust in me. But there is no dialogue. No communication. Just random e-mails about the deaths of people we both know. I even keep my friend on my daughter's e-mail list, just to keep them up-to-date on arguably the cutest kid ever. But there's nothing that makes me feel heard or understood.

This has damaged relationships with mutual friends. I don't get e-mail pictures of some very cute kids because sides have been taken, stands made and lines drawn in the sand.

All of this makes me sad because it's all so avoidable. Fixable even. Case in point...

I recently had a fight with another dear friend of mine. It started as a simple misunderstanding and exploded. Words were said. More were thought. Feelings hurts. Motives assumed. It was bad.

After a day or two, I had a conversation with this friend. Motives were explained. Feelings were soothed. And my friend says to me, "I'm sorry." And it was not the "I'm sorry...I got caught" or the "I'm sorry...it turned out this way." It was a heart felt "I'm sorry...I was wrong". It was as if a huge burden was lifted and I could breath again. There was a powerful positive force behind those words. And then to top it all off, my friend says to me, "I'm so sorry I dishonored you like that." I almost floated on air.

To say the least, our relationship is restored and improved by our misunderstanding and the resulting conversation. I am very happy.

The longer any fight goes on the more it takes to restore relationship. The longer any trust is stretched the longer it take to reestablish. The more people involved on any side, the more people have to be brought to the table. Heaven forbid there is money involved...

But it all starts with two little words...I'm sorry.

Restoring Shalom

There is a lot of pressure put on the Holidays in America. If one watches TV or listens to the radio, it seems that this is the season for family and friends both near and far. And no matter the distance in miles or the distance in attitude, this is the season for closeness.

I get fairly disgusted with the whole idea. Like singing and dancing snowmen can warm a curmudgeon's heart. That one taste of Aunt Mable's pie will so flood one with good feelings from the past that all wrongs are forgotten and fresh starts are handed out all around. Bah Humbug.

But today I was thinking of Advent. Of shalom. How way back in the garden shalom was broken with one bite of fruit. How God stopped walking in the garden in the cool of the evening. At the first Advent, God again walked in the garden.

We look back at Jesus coming to live the life that we couldn't and dying the death that we deserve and we see that shalom can be restored. That it is being restored. We look forward, knowing that he is coming again in the clouds to finish the job. That there will be a new Heaven and a new Earth and we, who have been given to Jesus as His bride, will have new bodies.

So, yes, there is a lot of pressure on the Holidays. This is the Season to come together. To restore relationships. To let bygones be bygones. To give fresh starts. To remember, not so much that shalom was broken but more so that God is restoring it. One heart at a time. One card at a time. One bite at a time.