mantra

I have a new weight loss mantra...
I'm more thirsty than I am hungry.

How does that sound? I'm not negating the fact that I might be truly hungry but drinking 2 or 3 ounces of water before I put something solid in my mouth might be just the ticket.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Questioning Communication

When you ask your overnight guest "Do you need another blanket?" What are you really asking?

When Eric or I are sick, one of us sleeps on the sofa. When the caregiver asks the sicko "Do you need another blanket?" what we are really asking is, "Are you cold?" and "Do you remember where we keep the extra blankets?"

That's what you mean when you ask your overnight guest that question. And the guest understands the question. They know how warm they like to sleep. They then judge the heat in the room and the thickness of the covers and determine "Yes, I will be cold" or "No, I'll be fine".

But what if you ask a three year old "Do you need another blanket?" Will they understand the subtext? Ashley owns lots of blankets, am I planning a shopping trip? Does she need another one? Like maybe a purple one? That question does not mean to her what it means to me.

I wonder how many times we are misunderstood because we are in essence speaking two different languages? Some things are more simple--"Would you like more juice?" could mean "Are you thirsty?" or "Would you prefer water or something else from the 'fridge as I am getting up anyway?" Some things are much harder--"How are you?" Are you asking about my health, my family, my day or my job? How much time do you have? Do you really care or is this just a standard greeting?

All of this hit me last night between 2 and 2:30am. Ashley is stuffed up. We stayed at some friends' house later than her bedtime so she is also very tired. It seemed cold in her room to me so I changed my tactics...

"Are you cold?" "Yes." So, I got her another blanket.

Decorations

Well, the last of Christmas is safely stored in it's boxes. And those boxes are safely stored until next year.

As much as I enjoy Christmas and all it's trimmings. I'm just as happy to get it packed away. This holiday starts in July when Hallmark has it's Open House. It builds and builds with more and more stores adding their perspective. It runs through the after-Christmas sales, advent and sometimes til Epiphany.

We took the wreath off our door and packed away the jiggle-holder this week. There was a bag that we had missed but that was easily distributed among the boxes.

Sigh of relief...

Now just a little rest until spring planting.

Fog

These last few days I have felt like a character in a fairytale. The Pacific North West has been shrouded in fog. Day and night...for days. Everyday life has become an adventure.

Have you seen the movie Brigadoon? Where a whole village disappears in the fog? All the dancing and the singing and the love at first sight...sigh...

What if between this traffic light and the next the world disappears? Or time disappears? Not scary disappears but romantic disappears.

What if our 4runner becomes a carriage with horses? What if my Half Price Books t-shirt becomes a gown? What if my lunch of leftovers becomes a picnic packed by an organic Zone certified chef?

I know the air can get stagnant, I know we have to drive slower and safer but still...fog...you think you know what the street looks like but just imagine it ends not at the grocery store but on the hills of Loch Lohman...or the streets of Paris...or...

I love the fog...

Two Words

A while back I had fight with what was a dear friend of mine.

I'm from Texas and recognized myself in my pastor's statement that Southern folks get away with gossip by adding "Bless his heart" on the end of things. My pastor is from Tennessee, so he ought to know. When I realized what I was doing and the damage that was being done, I stopped. My friend didn't see it as such and is unwilling to stop 'blessing people's hearts' into the ground.

I have tried multiple times in multiple ways to help my friend understand. That even if they weren't wrong to begin with, I was and that they didn't call me on it was wrong in and of itself. I've said I was sorry making my gossip so believable and therefore breaking their trust in me. But there is no dialogue. No communication. Just random e-mails about the deaths of people we both know. I even keep my friend on my daughter's e-mail list, just to keep them up-to-date on arguably the cutest kid ever. But there's nothing that makes me feel heard or understood.

This has damaged relationships with mutual friends. I don't get e-mail pictures of some very cute kids because sides have been taken, stands made and lines drawn in the sand.

All of this makes me sad because it's all so avoidable. Fixable even. Case in point...

I recently had a fight with another dear friend of mine. It started as a simple misunderstanding and exploded. Words were said. More were thought. Feelings hurts. Motives assumed. It was bad.

After a day or two, I had a conversation with this friend. Motives were explained. Feelings were soothed. And my friend says to me, "I'm sorry." And it was not the "I'm sorry...I got caught" or the "I'm sorry...it turned out this way." It was a heart felt "I'm sorry...I was wrong". It was as if a huge burden was lifted and I could breath again. There was a powerful positive force behind those words. And then to top it all off, my friend says to me, "I'm so sorry I dishonored you like that." I almost floated on air.

To say the least, our relationship is restored and improved by our misunderstanding and the resulting conversation. I am very happy.

The longer any fight goes on the more it takes to restore relationship. The longer any trust is stretched the longer it take to reestablish. The more people involved on any side, the more people have to be brought to the table. Heaven forbid there is money involved...

But it all starts with two little words...I'm sorry.

Restoring Shalom

There is a lot of pressure put on the Holidays in America. If one watches TV or listens to the radio, it seems that this is the season for family and friends both near and far. And no matter the distance in miles or the distance in attitude, this is the season for closeness.

I get fairly disgusted with the whole idea. Like singing and dancing snowmen can warm a curmudgeon's heart. That one taste of Aunt Mable's pie will so flood one with good feelings from the past that all wrongs are forgotten and fresh starts are handed out all around. Bah Humbug.

But today I was thinking of Advent. Of shalom. How way back in the garden shalom was broken with one bite of fruit. How God stopped walking in the garden in the cool of the evening. At the first Advent, God again walked in the garden.

We look back at Jesus coming to live the life that we couldn't and dying the death that we deserve and we see that shalom can be restored. That it is being restored. We look forward, knowing that he is coming again in the clouds to finish the job. That there will be a new Heaven and a new Earth and we, who have been given to Jesus as His bride, will have new bodies.

So, yes, there is a lot of pressure on the Holidays. This is the Season to come together. To restore relationships. To let bygones be bygones. To give fresh starts. To remember, not so much that shalom was broken but more so that God is restoring it. One heart at a time. One card at a time. One bite at a time.

Living Life Backwards

I've been reading a book by Robert Littlejohn called "Wisdom and Eloquence". In it he talks about teaching kids with the end in mind. What do we want our kids to be able to do when they graduate high school? What do we teach them their senior year? Their Junior year? And so on down to Kindergarten. As we plan to home school Ashley, this seems like a very good plan.

But I was thinking today...what if I lived my life with the end in sight? As a Christian, my eternal life is secure in my faith in Christ's atoning work. But what about the end of this life?

If I don't want to be buried in a piano crate, I need to keep my weight in check. OK that was a bit of an exaggeration but still. How do I want to be remembered? I'm remembered as the singing cashier at the book store. Or the town crier--for my closing announcements.

And bringing those two ideas together...How do I want Ashley to remember me? What do I want her to learn simply by watching me? Exercise is a daily enjoyable task. Housework is a way of life. That whatever our hands find to do, we do with all our might. That eating healthy is as much fun or even more than eating junk. That cooking is not a chore. That reading is great fun. That nature walks are an everyday thing...rain or shine.

A similar idea is touted in lots of home decorating books...Don't start with the stuff, start with the vision. How do you want your home to feel? to you? to your family? to guests?

I'm going to have to think on these things a bit more.

I've lived a lot of my life for today. Eating what tasted good, even if I feel bloated later. Resting in when a brisk walk would have energized me more. Reading and watching for entertainment alone without even trying to glean nuggets of lasting truth.

There is a balance between living for today and living for the end. Maybe that's what I want to be remembered as...a Balanced Person...